I'm a little bit ill so have resorted to watching old 'Sex and the City' episodes and one episode in particular had me thinking. It's called 'They shoot single people, don't they?' and it's all about the four women faking relationships for fear of being alone because it terrifies them.
I'm nineteen and I have never had a relationship. There have been guys but not many and none I would consider to have been my boyfriend. So it begs the question, what if I will be alone forever? Okay, it might seem like I'm being over-dramatic because I am only nineteen, but what if the life aspirations I am just assume will happen, don't come true? Because being alone does frighten the hell out of me because then what if I can't have the big family and go see the school plays and the graduations or have a fabulous wedding.
Then I get to thinking about why I am single and it's because being in a relationship also scares the hell out of me. I am too independent, I find it difficult to be vulnerable or rely on anybody else so to let myself do that and then be disappointed, I'd rather not bother.
So where does this leave me? In a perpetual state of limbo- so afraid of being with someone and yet scared to death of being the single at a couples party.
….Woah, I sound like I'm about 35.
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